It’s Not Just the To-Do List: What’s Really Weighing You Down

We all know the mental load is heavy. As a working mum, you’re constantly juggling:

• The school calendar

• Work deadlines

• Groceries, dinners, appointments

• Birthday parties, laundry piles, the list goes on…

But here’s what most women don’t realise: The mental load is more than just the to-do list — it’s the emotional weight that sits underneath it all.

And that’s the part silently draining your energy, spiking your stress, and clouding your mind.

What You Think Is Mental Load

We often describe mental load as the logistics of life:

·      “There’s always something to remember.”

·      “If I don’t plan it, no one will.”

·      “I’m the project manager of my entire family.”

And you’re not wrong.

But there’s a layer beneath that rarely gets named — and that’s where the real heaviness comes in.

What Mental Load Really Is

Mental load also includes:

• Mum guilt (“Am I doing enough?”)

• Emotional forecasting (trying to pre-empt problems before they happen)

• Worrying constantly about your child’s mood, your partner’s tone, the forgotten lunchbox, the missed meeting

• Overthinking everything, from what you said in that email to whether you’ve “ruined” bedtime because you were too tired to read a story

This is what keeps your mind on even when your body’s trying to rest. This is what wakes you up at 3am in a spiral of “what ifs.”

The Hidden Cost? 

All of this emotional load sends a signal to your body: danger. Whether you’re facing an actual crisis or just mentally preparing for one that might happen, your brain releases cortisol, the stress hormone. And when you’re living in that state every day? Your body never comes out of fight or flight.

What this looks like:

• Brain fog

• Constant fatigue

• Snapping at people you love

• Forgetting small things

• Feeling like you’re drowning, even when everything looks “fine”

Here’s what many working mums don’t realise:

You’re not just tired from doing too much. You’re tired from thinking and feeling too much — all at once, all the time.

How to Lighten the Emotional Load

You may not be able to delete the to-do list entirely (we wish!). But you can learn to release some of the emotional clutter that’s making everything feel 10x heavier. Here are three ways to start:

1. Journal to Clear Your Head.

Set a 5-minute timer and write freely. No structure. No judgement. Just let it all out.

Prompts to try:

“What’s weighing on me right now?”

“What thoughts do I keep replaying?”

“What do I wish I could let go of?”

Writing helps get swirling thoughts out of your head and onto the page, where they lose their power and intensity.

2. Name the Feeling, Not Just the Task

Instead of “I need to book the dentist,” try asking: “What am I feeling underneath this?”

Maybe it’s guilt for forgetting, or anxiety about cost, or overwhelm from one more thing.

Naming the emotion helps you meet it with compassion instead of letting it run wild in your mind.

3. Ask: “Is This Mine to Carry?”

One of the most powerful ways to reduce mental load is by questioning it.

• Are you responsible for everyone’s mood?

• Are you trying to control things you actually can’t?

• Are you saying “yes” out of guilt?

• What can be shared, scheduled, or set down completely?

You Deserve to Feel Lighter. You’re not failing because you’re overwhelmed. You’re overwhelmed because you’re carrying too much — seen and unseen.

Once you become aware of the emotional layers within your mental load, you can begin to gently release them. You don’t need to be a superhero. You just need space to breathe, think clearly, and come back to yourself.

And that’s where your power lives.